Monday, December 9, 2013

Clost's Music of the Day- December 9th.

Yes, that's right. I've moved this entire blog over to music of the day, since it became something i liked.

Sorry.



Anyways, here's today's music.

                                                       So much emotion. So beautiful.


Yes, that's right. In honor of starbound beta, this is possibly one of the greatest music pieces in any videogame you could ever hear. Just listen to that emotion, of being literally out at the beach in the middle of the night, on some uncharted planet in the middle of the solar system, wondering what wonders could approach you in a world drenched and filled with opportunities. Just sit down, and drink it all in.

Imagine you're on a great adventure into the great unknown on your spaceship, all by yourself. The world is yours to discover and to mold, and peace to yourself, with a great journey ahead of you.

Starbound.

December 9th Post - STARRRBOUUND + Some extras

STTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRBBBBOOOOOOUUNNNNNNNNNDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

(SING ALONG!)
FLYING THROUGH SPACE
YEAH
FLYING THROOOOUGH SPACE
-repeat

norly
starbound gud
10/11
needs bubs


Wow
Such hype
Much happy
Wow

-----
Anyways, now for the real reason you came here.

Clost's guide to getting all of the bitches.

Step 1. Find some attractive members of the opposite sex
yes, really


Step 2. Pick a target, such as the image shown above. And it can be miley cyrus. If you really want to.

Step 3. Do your best impression of Bruce Springsteen's JUNGLELAND!
(in an old gravelly voice.)



Step 4. All of the bitches.

Oh, and the music of day is below here.
Honest.

Music of the Day:


Very salty. Lots of bang. Wow.

Yeah....

Thursday, November 28, 2013

November 28th News- November Wrap-up

Sorry about no posts recently, i haven't had much time.
(raggum fraggum midterms raggum fraggum)
(The Joesph- or should i say, George chronicles will continue. Just give me some more time.)

I figured i would try something experimental with this one. How about a new segment, like..
Music of the Day!
Today i will highlight a specific favorite song of mine from video games in general.
Today's song.. "Because princess inada is scolding me" From Touhou 10; Mountain of Faith.
Very fast paced. Lots of fun. Bang. - Lyle




Anyways, on to the news!
The 3 next-generation consoles are all here!
Now to decide which one is the most shit!

The sturdy hand of console fate decided to fuck microsoft over this time, since it appears their new system..well...

Just let farfromsubtle do this one for me.
Yep. That was all real.

All of it.


The PS4 and Xbone don't have many games going for them right now, mainly because they just released.
Oh, guys- i heard that Super Mario 3D World released recently. Just a note, you know..

Take the metacritic score as you will.

I think i know what the prime christmas present will be this year.











Happy Fucksgiving

How many fucks are you giving today?
I'm giving zero!


UPDATE: I almost forgot. More posts coming soon.

Saturday, November 16, 2013

The Joesph Chronicles Part 2- Impetus

He was in a field. It was dark. Black.

It needed color..
And so he wrote;
"The sky will be..orange."
He would name this region sunset valley.
It would be his home, he declared.

Joesph continued to write, and he wrote, and thus was written.
A world at his fingertips. With the flick of his hand, a castle was in front of him.
With another flick, and curvy writing, a town full of loyal subjects. Guards. Lives.
A throne, and a massive library. An endless autumn forest, changing color leaves..

And some goddamn indoor plumbing for a change.

He realized the world would be boring with just himself..
So outside of sunset valley, he designed an ornate jungle with leaves, bushes and vines to create treehouses-
Here would be the elven people, living in harmony with one another and singing crystals to create furniture and pottery.

"Time to finish sunset valley- i can let these guys sort out their own history." He thought to himself.
And, as if he were immortal, vanished and reappeared at his throne.

He noticed that there was a plain lack of chaos. He would change that.
And so, volcanoes erupted- earthquakes shattered the land, forests burned, necromancers performed rituals to merge together and become a dark lich, and Joesph realised that he might be going slightly insane with this. Instead, he wrote in the book;

"A huge, constantly changing fantasy world with a blank story that i shall carve will emerge."
And so it emerged. Cliche', yes, but he figured it would make it much easier.
But no adventure was complete without friends.

"But what would i do for someone to actually fucking talk to?" Joesph inquired.

He quickly scrabbled up a drawing of someone he would call a friend.

"George"
7ft tall, Ginger hair- Loves to explore, enjoys stabbing things- and is well trained in the arts of..pickpocketing.

And so, as if like magic, the book whirred and a ginger-haired sneaky looking fellow appeared in front of Joesph.

"Fantastic." Joesph proclaimed.


And Joesph would continue to write a story for himself, until one day the 4 evil necromancers he had forgotten about decided to do something. They realised Joesph's power was great- If they had it, they could create their own undead-power fantasy. They hatched a plan.

Oh, i almost forgot the names of these fellows. What kind of villains would they be if they didn't have a motive? An impetus, you might say. We'll begin with the first one.

"Francis"
6ft tall, black hair- Biker appearance. Hates everything.

"Pablo"
2ft tall, brown hair- He may be small, but he really knows how to gamble.

"Ray"
Height unknown, hair color unknown- We don't speak of him.
Loves to play mind games. He's always so serious.

"Miccallo"
9ft tall, White hair- Sadistic, loves the pain of others. Is amused by child labor.


We'll call them the FPRM for short.
Ray is usually the leader of the plans, and is usually quiet unless he is telling someone else to be goddamn quiet.

Ray lead them through the sacred grounds, over the hills, through rainbow forest of lollipops and death, The bog of existentialism, and a 7/11.

At last, they were there! Allow me to tap into their expressions and thoughts for a moment;

Sunset Valley, October of the infinitive year
7:00 P.M. Ray and his team of necromancers was sneaking around the castle walls.

Pablo: God, we're finally fucking here. It's really damn cold at that 7/11.

Miccallo: Hah, you wouldn't even know the cold of my freezer when i store children in it during my free time.

Ray: Silence you fools. Time to chat will be once we've stolen that idiot's book and erased him and his world with it. Then our work can begin.

Francis: I hate castles.

Ray: Shut up.

Francis: And doctors, and lawyers, and cops-

Ray: SHUT THE HELL UP!

[In ray's yelling, a guard spots them sneaking along the castle walls. He calls for help.]

Ray: God damn it, NOW look at what you've done! So much for the fucking sneaky approach, huh!?

[Did i say ray was quiet? oh dear, i must have misplaced the actual script- you can see what he's actually like though.]

Pablo: We should stop yelling and get on with this already. It's half past noon and we still haven't made a city full of casinos owned by me.

Miccallo: Yeah, and no children ovens yet either!

Ray: Fuck it. We're just going in through the wall. HEEEEUUURGG-

[Ray blasts half of the fucking castle into rubble. Francis runs in, grabs the book, and they escape.]

And so, they used the book to destroy Joesph's dream.
They turned the world into a land of chaos- Brainwashing, betrayal, greed, murder, destruction- There would be no end to the madness.
Or would there?
In the haste of Ray's plans, the necromancers had forgotten something. They never realised that one of the pages had been torn from the book for safekeeping..


This is the story of a man named George.


Friday, November 15, 2013

November 16th Post- PS4 Released, Unsurprisingly consoles bricked

BLEH BLEH TIRED TIRED

Before you crucify me for the title, i say "unsurprisingly" because most consoles release with this kind of thing.

Of course, console fanboys will find this as the perfect time to say the PS4 sucks and they knew it the entire time. Even though it's blatantly obvious that this happens during EVERY console launch. May anyone like to recall the days of the RROD (Red ring of death for those who have been living under a rock) for the Xbox 360- And the yellow light of death for the PS3.

Oh, and in recent memory; The flashing blue/red rave of death from the Wii U. However, at least Sony- like Nintendo did- is giving free repairs with hopefully-friendly costumer support. And yet the words "$ony" and "Nintendrones" clog the internet.



What's the point of these "Console wars" anyways? Isn't it a bunch of insecure people being angry about opinions? Go outside, people. Pick some flowers or some shit, really. Read a goddamn book!
Just SOMETHING. ANYTHING. Yes. You. Right now. Get out of your fucking chair.
Stop reading this goddamn blog, and go the fuck outside. Right now. I don't care what time it is, just do it and get a breath of fresh, clean air. Pick a fucking flower. Braid it in your goddamn hair.

Now come back inside. Thanks. Great. Wonderful. You should be in a good mood to go back to your cold, dark corner. There you go. Right there. Fantastic.

Anyways, now that we're back to business- So far, the PS4 seems to have some decent reviews. It sounds as if it has games and is built for gaming, but decided to slap on some goddamn useless social features that noone wants.

But at least it's not shit. And at least it's got some pretty damn catchy advertising campaigns.


That's all for today. Expect a new "Chronicles of Joesph" article soon. Sorry for the delays.

See you next time assholes. CURSE YOU RAY!


Sunday, November 10, 2013

The Joesph Chronicles; Part 1- Intro (Web-Book)

Author's Note: This is a novel that i have been thinking about for a long time, and i figured it was time to show it to the world. Here is the introduction- Expect a normal post next time, sorry for those of you who liked my humor. Please give me feedback if you want the rest put up here :)

[VULGAR LANGUAGE ABOUND]

WARNING: This might be a TL;DR situation, so if you don't like long reading, just skip this.
--------------------------------------------------

(Read this in morgan freeman's voice for full effect.)

Once upon a time, there was a man named Joesph.
Joesph was your ordinary man in your ordinary modern, suburban neighborhood.
Except he was antisocial and hated the outside world. That's a thing.
Joesph devoted the majority of his house to his massive book collection- He was a story-writer afterall and needed some good inspiration to get the books going. Like any good author, he sat at his desk for hours on end while listening to AC-DC.


One day, something very peculiar happened. Something Joesph would never quite forget.
He had been at his desk for an hour and had absolutely no ideas on the fantasy novel he was writing.
Not one idea had popped into his head. Not even an introduction! What was he to do!?
Of course, Joesph remembered the first paragraph of this story where i explained that he had a library for inspiration, so he decided to go there for inspiration. Obviously.
In his library, Joesph scanned through the usual fantasy novels.
His entire collection of The Lord of the Rings was frequently checked, as he was a big fan of fantasy novels. He had other titles there, such as Fifty Shades of Gray, which he saved for his "alone time" occasions.
Eventually after some filler text, Joesph found a very interesting looking book. It looked as dusty as a young male model's schoolbooks and it had as many mysterious symbols on it as Miley Cyrus' "reading material".


As he opened the book, he was incredibly annoyed to find out that the entire, massive book with creepy symbols on it was empty. "What the hell?" Joesph exclaimed. "What's the point of this anyway? It wasn't even here yesterday!" After a few minutes of outburst -because he's insecure- Joesph decided that the best thing to do with the book was to just practice doodling and writing in it, since he had nothing better to do and the whole "Inspiration" idea was basically out of the window at this rate.

Joesph sat at his desk and wrote;
"The great swaying apple tree waved in the wind."
Suddenly, a massive swaying apple tree grew out of the ground, hitting Joesph in the crotch, smashing his desk, and throwing him across the room. After rolling in pain for a few seconds, Joesph got up and had a mental breakdown at what just happened.

"What the shit. What the fucking shit."
Joesph suddenly had a collective aneurysm, and decided to write in the book again;

"A delicious apple was in my hand"

And suddenly, as if on cue, the book glowed and an apple materialized into his hand.
Joesph ate the apple, and realised the fun he could have with this book. The world was his to command. To control. He no longer had to live in this dump, and so he wrote;

"I was in my own dimension; a bright sunny field on a spring day."

And so he was.


-End of introduction-